Tabula Mendacium Rasa
by areuevernotgoingtofall4that
Summary: Xander tells the truth about the whole Angel thing and then leaves.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Supernatural.**

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Xander stared at his room. It was nice, it was a shame that he had to leave it. He stared at his partially packed suitcase and then back to the room. The room wasn't what he'd be missing most of all though but he didn't want to think about that. He sighed then went to his dressers and picked up a brown shirt and started folding it.

The door opened.

Dammit! They weren't supposed to find out, not until he had already left. He turned around to see which of them had caught him in the act. Buffy. Perfect. Buffy's eyes narrowed as she caught sight of the mostly packed suitcase.

"Xander, what are you doing?" she asked confused. Xander took in a deep breath and answered evasively.

"Packing," Buffy frowned then looked at him angrily.

"What? Where are you going?" she demanded.

"Um...I've had enough of the land of tweed I'm going back to America," Xander said working hard to keep his voice even.

"What just out of nowhere? No warning no nothing?" she asked her voice even louder. Xander winced as he realized probably even more people we're hearing about his departure and it was 1:00 am in the morning. He was supposed to leave in the dead of night and now Buffy was probably waking everyone, he didn't want to be hearing this conversation, up.

"I'm warning you now," he said regretfully.

"Why do you want to go?" Now the look of anger was gone and replaced with a kicked puppy look which was so much worse.

"It's...a long story," he said unhelpfully.

"Then shorten it. You can't just leave in the dead of night without an explanation and that's what you were planning wasn't it?" she accused, rightly so since that had been his plan. Xander decided that he could probably leave it behind rather than try to pack the rest of his stuff. He had to leave, now, before anyone else got into this conversation and made it even harder for him to go. He closed his suitcase and tried to grab the handle only to have Buffy grab it before him.

"Look Buffy, I need to go."

"I won't let you," she said shaking her head and backed up a few steps. Xander sighed, he didn't want to try to grab it from her hands, but he made a grab for it only to have Buffy back a few more steps up. Buffy obviously was dead set against him leaving but he had to go.

"Buffy...it's not... you can't ..." There was only one way that he could think of that she'd let him and stay gone. Although he wished he didn't have to resort to it. Still, it was a truth he'd hidden too long and it was long past time to be accountable for it.

"Remember when Angelus was trying to open Acathla, when I came in and told you that Willow said 'to kick his ass'. She didn't say that. What she sent me to tell you was that she was working on the re-ensoulment spell. And now it was all going to hit the fan.

"What?!" she was pissed. Xander braced himself for whatever was coming knowing it was necessary.

"You what?" Xander made sure to school his features. He wanted to apologize, he wanted to say he was sorry but that wouldn't help him, not with what he wanted to do.

"I didn't tell you that Willow was working to restore Angel's soul." Buffy looked furious and Xander did his best not to flinch or to show how much it hurt him to have Buffy look at him like that.

"How could you?" she screamed. "You know how I felt about Angel." Xander worked hard to kept his face impassive but it took just about everything he had.

"Yes I did, but I didn't like him and I thought that everyone would be better off if he just died," he said working hard to keep his voice impassive, when all he wanted to do was tell her how sorry he was that caused her all the pain and suffering back then. But he had to be strong. Things were better this way.

"Maybe you _should_ leave." There were tears in Buffy's eyes as she said this and Xander nodded. It was what he wanted but he had hoped that she wouldn't have given up so easy.

"Maybe I should," he said. Buffy dropped his suitcase to the ground and the sounds echoed in Xander's ears for a long moment before Xander picked it up and headed out the door. He saw Willow standing in her doorway obviously having heard the shouting match and she was looking at him with betrayal and hurt in her eyes. Dawn also stood nearby staring at him like she didn't know who he was anymore. There were also a small throng of slayers who seemed hostile and confused at the same time. They seemed like they were only mad at him because Buffy was. He took his suitcase and walked out the door heartbroken but at the same time knowing that this was the best course of action because he could never let her know, ever.

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